Monday, October 5, 2009

Sunday & Monday October 4 & 5th

Kathy, Mares sister and her family were up for the weekend. That means we ate well. Uncle Paul put a pork butt on the traeger which we smoked over night. It was incredible. I carved out enough time to put in an appearance at a benefit tennis tourney for a tennis friend of ours who passed not long ago. He played in Mare and Johns tourney just a year ago. Had an aggressive cancer and we lost him. Many of our friends were there. Along with Pam who just lost her husband John from cancer. She came to the fence and we said hello. I really wanted to hug her but i knew we would both lose it if we did. I'll save that for later.

Mare had three night angels from St. Joes. They had to ring the bell at around 430 as mare was having major breathing issues. We did our best to comfort by administering more meds. I was able to get back to sleep for a little over an hour and half and it happened again. I came down and the scenario played out again. At this point we changed her mask to the full face to see if that helped and it did. Trouble was we could not communicate as well. We got out the pointing board that Mary Rebar had given us to see if that helped and it did somewhat. Only trouble was there was not a space to point to that would make this all go away. I had made and poured myself some coffee. Mare keeps tying to tell me something and nods her head toward the nurses. She wanted to make sure i offered them some coffee. I love that woman.

I called Lynn over as the others left and she had another episode. Same routine. We called gpa and kay as mare wanted them here as well. They are currently holding her hands as she sleeps. Leanna our hospice social worker came this am too. We talked about how hard mare is fighting to live but her body is wanting to go the other direction. We discussed the drip meds that will make mare sedated but comfortable. She asked what i and the kids wanted. We want her to be comfortable. She said maybe she'll feel better when she wake up. She said, "We can always hope cant we? Again in that cute voice. :) Lauren is on her way up. Such a strong and courageous kid like her mother. Bubba too.

I hope i am not sharing too much. I know so many of you have been here for us this entire journey. I wanted you to complete it with us as well.

Please pray that Mare gets a glimpse of her wondrous eternity. And may she have a restful and peaceful sleep.


  1. A big hug to you Marilyn, your in my prayers, my thoughts, and always in my heart.

  2. Jeff, Marilyn, Lauren and Brian:

    We are praying for you everyday.

    Bryan & Heather Milliren & Company

  3. Jeff, Marilyn and family
    Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I thank you for your blog, it has brought back many tears, memories, and a big reminder how horrendous ALS really is. It has also brought great conversations between Kaitlin and myself about ALS and PAPA Don. So thanks to you. Please let us know if we can do anything for Marilyn and yourself, and your family! We know how hard this truly can be.
    Shine bright in his light,
    Lori MacKenzie
    (Kaitlin MacKenzie's Mom)

  4. You are not sharing too much. I am grateful for every single blog. You are a husband who is losing his wife. You are a father who is watching his children loose their mother. You are a son-in-law who is watching his Dad loose his daughter. You have much to say. I want to hear it all. Thank you for every blog. Thank you for every fear, emotion and thought shared.

  5. Love to all! Keep it up Jeff it helps all of us who can't be there but wish we were. I cry with almost every blog.

    Teresa H.

  6. Give Kaitlyn a big hug for me. She was very supportive towards me once she found out. She is special young lady. Jeff

  7. Dorothy and Teresa said it all. At best all I can add is "ditto". Keep on keeping on Jeff as this soon will pass!
    Love & prayers,
    Judy B

  8. Your family is an inspiration to us. Our prayers continue to be with all of you.

    John and Lisa Mellor

  9. Definitely don't worry that you're sharing too much. It is very helpful to have the privilege of hearing all sides, so thank you for your openness!

    I have been praying for weeks now that Marilyn would begin to get a glimpse of what is in store for her on the other side. I know once she is there she would never want to come back to what she is facing here! Has anyone played the song "I Can Only Imagine" for her recently? When I hear that song on the radio I think of Marilyn and it makes me cry to think of her getting to experience that. That's what can keep us all going in all of this, knowing what a wonderful future she has, and we will get to be with her there someday too!

    Keep hanging on, Jeff!

    Love you,
    Kim K.

  10. Your family is awesome! Marilyn is such an inspiration...heaven only takes the best. I'm so glad she is on our side, and that she'll be free of pain and waiting for us to join her! Your in my prayers daily...thank you so much for this blog Jeff...what a wonderful thing and how hard it must be for you!!!

    Love you all
    Laurie Sharp

  11. Kim,

    The nichols girls sang this for marilyn not long back. it was pretty emotional.

  12. I am praying for this for Mare as well. At mass this weekend, we sang, "Be Not Afraid," but I'm afraid, I could not sing it. I could only choke back sobs and squeeze out as few of tears as possible as I prayed the song for the Leers.

    I imagined your recent change in roles, Jeff. Mare is preparing for ultimate vows to her Eternal Bridegroom and you, like a father who has mixed emotions giving away his daughter, is helping her to prepare for the wedding feast of the Lamb.

    There are no accidents here. God has deigned for this man, Jeff Leer, through this marriage, to help his beloved spouse, Mare, to be dressed in the white garment of holiness and walk through the door of the Kingdom to meet her Savior.

    Through your faithful works and suffering in union with Christ throughout your marriage, Jeff, you too are being clothed in the white garment of holiness. This journey with Mare has helped you both to be groomed in grace. No black tuxes at the eternal wedding (although you looked smashing in your wedding picture); only brilliant white garments in heaven!

    I pray that you too, Jeff, will have this same glimpse into eternity so that you will have peace in the Father's plan.

    Love, Cindy

  13. Cindy that was beautiful....

  14. Jeff, you don't know me. I knew Marilyn when she was no bigger than a minute back in the drill team days. I spent many many days and nights at the house with Gina. They treated me like family and I have never forgotten their generosity. Clearly, little Marilyn did pretty well for herself when she married you. You are, to use the vernacular, a ROCK STAR! I know you think Marilyn's the rock star and you are 150% correct. You are both just lovely and your blog has inspired me in a way you cannot imagine. I think of Marilyn constantly. Maybe it helps in some cosmic way, maybe not. Either way, I LIKE thinking about her constantly. Love and affection to you both.

  15. Thanks for all the supportive comments. Especially to my friend in arms, Cindy. You are a gifted encourager. Your heart is where our hearts are, as are many of you. We, I, could not get through this without all of you. Jeff

  16. Jeff and family,
    As you know, each day our thoughts, prayers, our conversations,and our tears are with all of you. How you have been willing to be vulnerable, honest, and able to share your lives with all of us has changed us all for the good. The sweet smiles and loving nature of Marilyn has been a blessing on so many people that she has touched. I'm sure there are hundreds of stories out there about her life, her struggles, her dignity, and YOUR love and devotion that have made a difference in anyones life that knows you all. We thank you for giving us that special part and please know that our hearts are with you.
    Please give Mare a love for me right now. See you soon.
    Love, Kathy and Mark